I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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