I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
