Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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