Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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