I met the friendliest cop last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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