I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
