I'm lost and stupid without you.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
