I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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