wrigley field is MILF paradise
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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