If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
