Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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