When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
