her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
