Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
