we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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