I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
