We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
