On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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