Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
