porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
