my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
