For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
