Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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