the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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