So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
