My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
