if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
