it was like having sex with a tree stump
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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