I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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