there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
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I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
is that a dick in a sweater?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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