I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
