OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
