Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
