I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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