those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
