Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
