hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
