I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
