I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
