Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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