yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
