Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
