Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
