Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
