NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
