WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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