yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
