What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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