just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
