Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Welp...herpes.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
