Quick, to the slutcave!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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