I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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