A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If that was your dad, he is hot
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
