How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
