Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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