I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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