i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
