He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
