it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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