is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
