I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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