thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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