It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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