I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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