Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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