You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
