i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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