HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
