Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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