The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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