How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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