he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
