we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
